The Soul Mate Lie

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We had it all. That secret look we shared, the code word that meant “let’s go home early”, the way we finished each other’s sentences.  The electricity that passed through us from across the room with just a playful glance.  The way we actually thought morning hair was cute and holy t-shirts were sexy.   We liked the same movies, dreamed of going on the same vacations, even had the same playlists and knew many of the same jokes.  We were SOUL MATES.  Meant to be together.  Divinely selected in pre-birth to travel this journey together.  We were perfect for each other.  How lucky we were!

And then the alarm went off and pulled me from this dream…that perfect version of me that I longed for in someone else disappearing in the morning light into the fogginess of sleep interrupted.  Wait! Come back!  How will I find you again?

This is the big lie that many of us grew up learning.  The Little Mermaid.  Cinderella.  Snow White.  Sleeping Beauty.  There is one perfect person just for you out there and once you find them, the rest will just glide into a blissful beautiful ending.  (insert buzzer noise). Wrong.  I don’t believe it.

I don’t believe in Soul Mates.  I do believe we are all connected on a soul level and that we all (with very few exception) have some pretty big things in common. For example, we want to be loved and want to love back.  We want companionship.  We want to feel important to someone else.  We want to be understood, encouraged, appreciated. Even adored – just the way we are. That doesn’t make us Soul Mates.  That makes us regular, non-sociopaths.  Good news, eh?

While you can’t make yourself love someone, I do believe you can grow to love just about anyone you decide to.  That may not be the kind of earth-shattering, shaking in your boots kind of passionate love you are looking for, but hang in there with me for a minute.

I believe that if you have the basics (chemistry, desire, willingness to be real, and ability to tolerate imperfection), then you have the most primitive tools for starting to build a Great Love.  Star-aligned, Divinity-inspired, match-making not required.

Great Love is built on purpose.  It requires respect, communication (on a deeper level, talking about the weather isn’t going to get you there), intimacy (not just sex, although that is also important),  authenticity (get it real and keep it real), an alignment of core values (if you don’t know how to figure out what these are, now is a great time to find out), the fortitude to commit and not give up when the going gets tough (because it will; but that’s just life), and empathy (being open to the experience of others, seeing things from the other side and honoring that as just as important as your own view).

Building a Great Love has actual steps to it…and those steps never stop.  It is a dance that continues as long as you wish to continue to grow together.

Ready to dance the dance of Great Love?  I will show you the steps in my next post!  Stay tuned!