(this is one of my favorite beginnings to many of my stories; I am so inspired by couples who are inspired to grow together!)
Pre-marital coaching is a special and important process that helps couples talk about and work through the skills they need to handle the reality of life after the honeymoon is over. It is also a time of play and fun and learning more about each other and about themselves. We have a great time while also making extremely important progress on setting a lasting foundation for their lifetime together.
During the process of digging in to learn more about each other, there is a questionnaire that each person fills out in private and then we share together and talk through each item and celebrate (or honestly work through) the new things we find.
One of my favorites was the bride I started telling you about who ended up talking about some of the ways she enjoys her private time. She sheepishly told a story of her favorite times when she is alone and wants to simply cut loose. She turns up the music and dances around as crazy as she can while yelling “whoop, whoop, wooooooo!” or some other variation of joyful noise of wild abandon!
What made this particularly hilarious was the fact that she is most often, a more serious, more reserved kind of person; very kind and thoughtful, and not someone you would expect to see on display…and here she brought out her wild side into the light before the wedding in the safety of our session.
Her husband-to-be was shocked and, I believe, somewhat relieved to see that there was a deeper well of fun in store for him. Once she revealed herself to us, she looked immediately nervous as if she was afraid we would disapprove of her antics, then the relief came as she realized that we both found great delight in the discovery of this addition to her silly side.
Being Completely Yourself
By the time we met again, she told me that she had broken loose enough that she had actually turned the music up and danced her “whoop whoop” with her fiance and they had laughed themselves to tears. The freedom she felt to be herself expanded and their bond was strengthened deeper than ever. This point can not be over-emphasized. Being completely yourself – even the parts that you aren’t sure will be readily accepted – is of the utmost importance to building the kind of Great Love and bond that lasts a lifetime. Don’t hide yourself from your partner and expect them to fully know you.
Many times I hear from couples that once they get married, one or both of the partners change. I contend that if this change happens in the first few years, then it wasn’t a change at all, it was a reveal of what was there but was being held back. This is why pre-marital/pre-commitment coaching is important. Having the safety to reveal yourself and be completely accepted exactly how you are makes the entire relationship and the new commitment delightfully real and ready for more!