There is a balance and order to this life that many people do not see. It is the balance of energy and the fact that like energy attracts like energy. Many of us learned of this through the popular book and movie “The Secret”, but still many of us missed an underlying message. When you subconsciously become attracted to someone else and you are propelled or drawn towards them, chances are they are more like you than you may realize on the surface. They are like energy. They are your match. They are NOT your soul mate. They are your emotional equal. If they are NOT your emotional equal, your newfound attraction will quickly change and fade away.
Your Emotional Equal
This is much more important information than it might look like at first. See, when you are with your emotional equal, you are comfortable. Things fit. If you are not emotionally healthy, though, chances are your partner is not either. Comfortable doesn’t mean healthy. If you are emotionally unhealthy, you have a zero chance of attracting someone who is and keeping them. Likewise, if your are emotionally healthy and find yourself attracted to someone else who isn’t, get ready for a bumpy ride.
Being Emotionally Healthy
What does it mean to emotionally healthy?
Emotionally healthy people have higher than average Emotional Intelligence scores, they see challenges as opportunities for growth, they handle stress well, they like and believe in themselves (positive self-image), and they are able to build and maintain good relationships with others. Emotionally healthy people do not take on the “victim” role, they accept personal responsibility for their own thoughts and behaviors and they don’t take themselves too seriously. They are able to be present in the moment, not carry too much pain around from the past and feel like they have the power to create a better future. They tire quickly of unnecessary drama, blaming, and negativity.
So, if you are looking for your emotional equal, it is wise to make sure you are emotionally healthy FIRST. If you are already in a loving relationship and you are wanting to make sure you both are emotionally healthy and growing well together, here are some great tips for being emotionally healthy:
1) Raise your emotional awareness.
If you do not already know where your skill level is on the Emotional Intelligence scale, you might consider buying Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradbury and Jean Greaves. The book is full of ways to improve your own skill level and comes with an online assessment code so you can take the test and get to know yourself better! Raising your own level of awareness of your own emotions, how you deal with them, accurately assessing the emotions of others and improving your relationships is one of the best ways to improve your emotional health!
2) Let it go.
Like the famous (ad-nauseum) Disney song suggests, take the time and make the decision to spend some time accepting what is and letting go of what you can not control. This is a sure-fire way to help improve your emotional health and is a method used by the most skilled peace and tranquility gurus to the brave people in the 12-step program working to overcome addiction. It works. Figure out what you have control over and what you don’t and then Let It Go.
3) Live in the grey (how ever many shades you like).
People who avoid all-or-nothing thinking rank higher on emotional health. There are always more than two answers to any question. It took me a long time to realize this and even when my first husband proposed to me, it never dawned on me that there was another answer other than “yes” or “no” and I knew that “no” wasn’t what I wanted to say…even though I also knew that I wasn’t completely ready for “yes” either. Realize that “not right now” and “maybe” are perfectly acceptable answers to just about any question if they are actually the truth.
4) Don’t stuff or avoid difficult emotions.
Being emotionally healthy doesn’t mean always being happy. Emotionally healthy people still get frustrated, sad, angry and well, cranky. That’s part of being human. What emotionally healthy people do with these emotions is what makes the difference. Channel these emotions in a productive way; communicate clearly without blame or victim language and then let the energy move through you. Release built-up tension through activities such as running, writing in a journal, or transforming stress into useful energy to help you achieve your goals.
5) Love your body.
Yes, I saw some of you cringe at that. The messages we get (mostly women, but men are included in this too), tell us that we are never thin enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, tall enough, or whatever enough to be worthy of love. Those messages are wrong. Your body, no matter its shape or size, is an all-out freaking miracle. You are ALIVE and your body does all it can do to support that. Say thank you. Love it. Feed it the food it needs to be healthy. Exercise. Stretch. RELAX. Don’t be mad at your body for not being perfect. The problem isn’t your body – its your willingness to belief a false message. While you are at it, love other people’s bodies too – not in a jealous way, but in an appreciative supportive way. We are all miracles.
I have about 1000 other ways to be emotionally healthy, but these five, if practiced daily will change your life. What are you waiting for? A year from now you will have wished you had started today. Here’s to you and your emotional health, may you be the healthiest person ever – and may you meet your match!