Are You Loving Yourself?

posted in: Blog | 0

Loving Yourself | Relationship InsuranceEvery ending is also a new beginning.  When relationships end, it can be difficult to realize the opportunity it grants us right away.  Endings can be painful and the unknown landscape before us can feel daunting, unsure, or empty. Being alone can feel, well, lonely.

Yes, Relationship Insurance is primarily focused on growing great love with couples who have found each other, but we were forged thirteen years ago in the fires of divorce recovery and helping people heal and nurture the most important relationship of all; your relationship with SELF.

All narcissism or perceived arrogance aside, the relationship you have with you truly is of greater consequence and importance than the relationship with any other person in your life.  For many people, it is also the most neglected.  In fact, if we were to routinely neglect our other relationships the way we neglect ourselves, most of us would run for the hills and never look back!

The reality of life is that the one relationship that we cannot leave (no matter how miserable it is) is the one with ourselves.  We are the only ones that will be with us for our entire lives.

Being Alone is Normal

When we find ourselves “suddenly single” we start to wonder if we will be okay being on our own.  We tell people that we don’t mind being alone, or that we even welcome being alone and spending time on ourselves.  We might even mean it.  The truth is, everyone finds themselves in that “alone” space at some point; whether they wanted it, or liked it, asked for it or not.

Being alone is a mixed bag for many.  Even the most secure, confident, self-loving person has moments of alone time that feel downright lonely. While lonely can be uncomfortable, it is also really normal.  It happens to everyone, but those who love themselves well spend the least amount of time feeling sad.

For the rest of the people who have not perfected the art of total self-love (seriously the majority of humans out there), feeling alone comes much more often – sometimes even in the presence of other people who care about us.  What is the point?  Loneliness is natural and the more your relationship with yourself suffers, the more lonely you will feel.

No matter who else is in your life, nobody needs you like you do.

And to be perfectly clear, I would like to make a huge point here that loving yourself is not the same thing as being stuck up, narcissistic, or selfish.  Loving yourself is your gift to others and to the world.

What does loving yourself look like?  It starts where nobody can see it – on the inside.  It begins with your thoughts.  What do you say to yourself?  What tone do you use?  What words do you whisper in your own ear?  How accepting and forgiving are you?  How gently do you treat yourself when you have missed a goal, said the wrong thing, made a “mistake”?  Are you encouraging yourself to do better or berating yourself for not measuring up?  Are you your own best friend?

Treat Yourself With Kindness & Love

After many years of working with clients (mostly women and teens), diving into our self-talk is not only one of my favorite activities, it has also become a regular habit that I partake in with myself.  I am vigilant about listening to the words, tone, language, and insinuations directed at me from between my own two ears.  I have come to realize over many years that the only opinion of me that truly matters is my own and the words that can hurt me most originate in my own mind.  I am careful with my internal dialogue (notice I said careful, not perfect).  I am the only person who has been with me every second of every day for my entire life.  I am the only person who will continue to be with me this much until my last breath.  If I don’t treat me with kindness and love, then I am condemning myself to the kind of disconnected loneliness that brings about depression, anxiety, loss of confidence, and missing out on reaching my ultimate full potential.  I wouldn’t dream of doing those things to another human being. Would you?  I didn’t think so.  You deserve better.  I do too.

Love yourself first.  It isn’t selfish, arrogant, or snobbish.  It is necessary to be your very best amazing self that you can then bring to your relationships and the rest of the world.

Thank you, in advance, for loving you and allowing yourself to be your best.   Your love matters.  Give it generously to yourself and let it spill over onto the world.