When deciding to get real about creating Great Love, sometimes life has a tendency to get harder before it bursts into awesome. Believe it or not, that is okay. You can take solace in knowing that this upheaval is often necessary and truly transformational. See, once we get real, we have to actually admit that many of us are afraid of Great Love. Great Love requires surrender and that scares the jinkees out of most people who are willing to admit it. Afraid of the kind of amazing love that gives you wings to fly, lets you completely be yourself and has your proverbial AND physical back? You bet your bottom it scares us – even more than we want to admit. Isn’t it easier to just say Great Love doesn’t really exist so we can go back to not feeling like losers because we don’t have one or are too afraid to put our guard down to try to build one? Isn’t it easier to just say we have a Great Love but not really turn on the light and look carefully enough to see if that is what it really is? Can’t we just “fake it ’till we make it”?
Love or Fear
There are two main emotions felt by all people; love and fear. We make all of our decisions from love or fear (and more often from a combination of both). Love and Fear have different consequences and either moves us along or pulls us away from our path to the love life we say we want. We all, yes all of us, at one time or another in our lives had two beliefs instilled in us.
1) The first is that somehow we are coming up short and we just are not quite good enough.
2) The second is that people will hurt you sooner or later, every time.
We carry these messages subconsciously even if we don’t have them front and center in our conscious minds. These beliefs of not being enough and of inevitable pain and loss are the brick and mortar of the great wall barrier to Great Love. We need a psychological sledge hammer – and now! Let’s look at this again: if underneath it all we are afraid that if we are openly, vulnerably and fully able to love another person and let them all the way in to see us completely then that would allow them to realize our awful truth; that we are somehow not good enough. Then they might judge us, disapprove and even abandon us to live out our lives with our flaws and shameful lonely hearts. Making the decision to create a Great Love relationship involves great risk!….or does it? What happens if we do not jump all in and learn all we can, put our energy and focus on being open, honest, vulnerable, real and proudly present ourselves (warts and all) to someone else while giving them the safe haven of love in which to do the same? What if we just tried to find out who and what other people want us to be and do all we can to be perfect in that assumptive image and stuff the less than best part of ourselves away instead? Would that protect us from the inevitable loneliness and shame? Not hardly. Being closed in and self-protective and unwilling to be real is the biggest risk of all.
Risks of Loving
Loving fully does come with some risks. So does breathing and getting out of bed in the morning…and so does staying in bed in the morning. Life is wrought with risk. It is part of being alive. We are all temporaries on this planet and even if nobody walks away from anyone else, it is rare for both people to check out of their living bodies at the same time. Basically, somebody is going to be left behind eventually. Harsh. Real. And not a good reason to live with a regular healthy dose of loneliness and disconnectedness every single day in order to “protect” yourself. Connect. Risk. LOVE while you have the chance. You have two choices. Love or fear. Let’s get real. Choose Love.