I find this quote both inspirational and tragic. It is brilliant and simple and was spoken by a creative, tortured soul that ended his time on Earth early.
“It is often easy to give advice and know what to do and something completely different to actually do it.” – Lynda Bishop, not famous relationship expert (hey, that’s me!)
Love is Not a Spectator Sport
It works like this in relationship. Love is not a spectator sport. Love is not a dream or an idea. It is an unstoppable force that exists and moves in the present moment. It is what is at the core of your powerful, wiser, amazing self. It is not separate from you. You can share it and it grows. You can bask in the glory of the light of another person’s love, but you don’t need theirs in order to have it. You ARE love.
Are you being present to the truth of what is right now and living as the loving being you are? Are you treating yourself at least as good as you treat other people? Are you shining your light in the world?
Who are you being?
The problem is that most people, once they surpass early childhood, don’t spend much time in the present moment which happens to be the only place where we have control and can actually take action to create the life and love that we want.
Let’s take a quick lesson from the innocent purity of babies and dogs. Dogs and babies don’t spend heir time worrying about the future or ruminating on the past. They are here, in the present moment and experiencing what is around them and what is happening NOW. Quick – take a look at the nearest baby or dog you can find and this will be clear. The message will be simple and immediate; “feed me, I’m hungry”, “I’m tired” “I’m happy” “I’m curious” “I love you” “throw the ball!”
So what does it take for the rest of us to remember to be present and appreciate the amazing miracle of being alive? A near death experience? A loss of health? A crisis? What does it take for us to get completely present in our relationships and wrap ourselves up in the warm, silky, furry blanket of bliss of being connected and loved by another miracle of a person who is dedicated to sharing this amazing life with us? A fight? A threat of divorce? A terminal diagnosis?
What if, instead, we consciously chose to have life changing moments of being present, of shutting off the judgments, the worry, the pain of the past and reconnected in the now. This moment is the only time and place where we actually can make choices and take action to build the love life we really want.
Either way, to get in the present will work; by conscious choice or by crisis. They are both very effective means of waking us up. They have different consequences although both will open the door to action and emotion.
I prefer consciously getting present to the great miracle of life and take real, positive and purposeful action to create Great Love before there is the panic and pain of crisis to wake me into the present. I try not to fall asleep in my relationship. It takes conscious effort. Life gets busy. Routine sets in. It is easy to be lulled into complacency and not even notice our partners anymore. Fight it. Leave yourself a note on the mirror if you must. Put it in your calendar. Make sure to look at each other with fresh eyes. See what else you can learn about each other right now, no matter how long you have been together. Make a list of what you appreciate about each other and notice it happening in the moment. Say something about it. Touch. Talk. Hug. Kiss. Now.
The present is where we can experience the amazing miracle of life and the love of another. Where do you spend the majority of your time – in the past, the future, in the delicious, possibility-filled present?