Okay, not fair. Love makes everyone FEEL crazy sometimes and the excitement of new love, or the sudden loss of love, can actually cause chemical changes in the brain that interrupt rational thinking processes, so I suppose in a way Love Makes You Crazy can be taken in something of a literal sense.
I really just said it to express a feeling. I could have just as easily said Love Makes the World Go ‘Round….but then might get the argument that Money actually makes the world go ’round…or that the gravitational pull from the Earth spinning around the Sun in space is what makes it go ’round…and well, you see why I didn’t choose to say that.
It’s something of a romantic nature; something talked about in poems and music and dispersed throughout the history of mankind as the biggest reason to live or die. I did it all for Love.
This brings me to my point of this post: We have a pretty darn big expectation of Love, don’t we? I mean, we have been taught from early on that All You Need is Love…which means that Love has a really big job to do.
So, what do you expect from Love (by Love, I am referring to your partner)? What do you expect your main love relationship to provide? What do you expect to give?
The definition of disappointment is the failure to meet or exceed whatever expectation we held. Nobody wants to be disappointed in love, so I suggest that now is a good time to give some thought to what exactly it is that we are expecting. Unmet expectations cause disappointment. I suggest that couples have as few expectations as possible, if at all. It is that simple. It is not easy. Expect nothing and rejoice in the surprise and gift of what the other person brings. No expectations = no disappointment. This is also a lesson in appreciating what you do have, and not focusing so much on what you don’t.
As we take an honest look at what it is we are expecting from Love, there is an important distinction to make. There is a big difference between an expectation and a need. For example, I need someone to be honest with me in order for me to trust them. I need to be able to be myself completely without being ridiculed in order to feel safe being completely open and real. Do I expect honesty and kindness? It is not easy to stop this kind of expectation, but I simply trust that my partner is going to do their best, just as I am going to do mine. Trusting someone to be their best is not the same as holding them to an expectation of what I want them to be.
Rather than hold expectations, what would your relationship look like if you worked instead of completely accepting each other “as is” and appreciating what you have instead of what you don’t? Not having expectations might feel like a crazy kind of thing…but love is crazy already. Give it a try!